Better with Yourself
We need better men, not perfect men.
Let’s be real fellas, from a young age, we feel the pressure to be the “perfect man”. We’re expected to think and act a certain way and told things like ‘boys don’t cry’, or to simply ‘man up’ when times get tough.
Trying to fit into those stereotypes is not only difficult, but can leave us feeling miserable, closed off, or angry at the world. What we all need is to not focus on being the perfect man, but instead look at being a better version of us.
Not only will it make us a little better, but it’ll make us a little happier and more able to deal with the stuff life throws at us in a healthy and productive way.
Being better is not about aiming for perfection, it’s about making progress. It’s about being the man you want to be, feeling all your feels, and taking responsibility when you mess up – which we all do from time to time.
The bar is low. Let's raise it.
Most men consider violence against women unacceptable, but we tend to underestimate how comfortable mainstream society is with sexist, coercive, and derogatory remarks and actions towards women. Thinking of kind, respectful men as ‘simps’ or ‘woke’ is an example of how far some people will go to defend behaviour that’s pretty crappy and brings us all down.
It doesn’t have to be this way.
The good news is that there are things you can do to make a real difference. They’re easy, effective, and you can put them into practice at home, work and out in public.
Look inwards
We know, it’s uncomfortable, right? But it’s time to recognise how changing our thought process can make our lives better. Remember, nothing in life is set in stone. You can always move away from outdated stereotypes and be the better person you want to be.
Listen
Listen to women about their experiences with disrespect, violence and abuse. If a woman you know trusts you with her story, it’s an opportunity to listen and learn from it. You don’t need to defensive or even offer advice, just listen. It’s a great way to get your head around what’s happening out in the real world.
Understand
Violence doesn’t come naturally to men; it’s learnt. For some, violence is a way of expressing their masculinity. Basically, it’s a way to gain power and control. Thankfully, there’s better ways of dealing with ‘life stuff’.
Be accountable
Admit when you screw up. And then work to make it right. When we become better, everything and everyone around us becomes better. Give yourself permission to stuff things up, but keep working to learn and do things better next time. From our health to our relationships, life just gets better-er.
Break out of the ‘Man Box’.
As Aussie men, we’re constantly pressured to think and act a certain way. We’re told things like ‘boys don’t cry’ and that we simply need to ‘man up’ or ‘toughen up’ when we need support. This type of thinking allows pressure to build up inside us, sets unrealistic expectations for ourselves, and basically makes us feel like crap. Real strength is stepping outside of our comfort zone to ask for help, and not being afraid to defend ourselves and women.
Not only do these ideas limit our potential, but they also set an impossibly high ideal that no one can ever achieve. We need to change the expectation of what a modern man is. Stereotypes put us into a box, and for many men, that box does not let them be the full version of who they really are.
Be the best damn man you can be.
Within reason.
If you’re like most men, you know right from wrong. You respect women. You respect yourself. You want to do the right thing by everyone. And when you get things wrong, you own up to it and try to get some help to get them right. Or at least, right-erer.
Being a better man isn’t rocket science; it’s just about setting the bar a little bit higher for yourself and others.
It can be as simple as living your respectful values. This means with your mates, not just in private. Be proud of the respectful man you are! Set standards for your own behaviour and your mates, and stick to them (we know, easier said than done – but worth it!)
Keep scrolling, not controlling.
Technology has made us more connected than ever, but it’s also opened up new avenues for men to stalk, harass or degrade women online, control their girlfriends or threaten women.
Being better means checking your relationship with technology and getting real about whether you’re using it for the wrong reasons.
Ask yourself if you’re:
- Sending inappropriate sexual messages – and be honest with yourself
- Cyberstalking women
- Texting or posting threats of violence
- Online victim-bashing
- Calling or texting abusively
- Threatening to disclose sensitive information to the victim through technology
- Participating in online women-hate groups. If you aren’t sure, just ask yourself – is there a common theme where women are the problem?
If you wouldn’t say or do something offline, don’t do it online.
Try to step outside out of own head and see how your behaviour would feel from her side.
Why break out of the Man Box?
Number 1: You’ll be happier. When you stop thinking about who you’re supposed to be, how you’re supposed to act, and what you’re supposed to say, you’ll instead be able to focus on who you really are.
When you break free of the expectations, you become a far better man – a happier, more peaceful version of yourself. It’s about making gains in your emotions, not just in your biceps.
Number 2: You’ll be better for everyone else around you. When you stop trying to be who you think others want you to be and start being who you actually are, you let people in and connect with them more.
Better you
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